“OMG, Adrienne, you are not fat.”
Cuz, while I’m far from skinny, I can do the “10 second stare” in the bathroom mirror right before I hop in the shower (this isn’t a ritual or anything – I just read somewhere, Cosmo probably, that a confident woman should be able to do this without crying or throwing up).
Despite this, I feel like I’m skinnier through technology. Just like when someone’s IQ goes up by dyeing their hair brown, I get thinner through text message, Facebook, blog comments, etc. I just type away like a size 2.
I could text message in skinny jeans. Update my status in one of those long hippy dresses without it looking like my grandmother’s muumuu (my grandmother doesn’t actually wear muumuus, she prefers t-shirts with cats or puppies on them as some grandmother’s do – but you get the visual). I could comment while lying on my stomach at the beach in a bikini and not once think about what my butt looks like in such unforgiving lighting.
I think I want to have a t-shirt made that says:
“I text like a skinny person”
or
“Does having over 100 friends make my facebook look fat?”
Or
“Just the salad, please. I’m a blogger.”
I’m not skinny in all media’s, however. Over the phone I’m that creepy guy that walks his tiny dog at midnight in a grey sweats and a hot pink beanie. Over email I’m prudish and don’t even get me started about faxing!
Don’t hate me cuz my butt looks good in these tweets.
Pic borrowed without asking from here
-Age
Ok you NEED to make those Tshirts and sell them on etsy RIGHT NOW! You will seriously sell thousands of them!
ReplyDeleteHaha, dig it. And you know it's kind of related to my post about the internet becoming home to our all-encompassing personal identities, only here, you're changing yourself through these technologies and presenting a different side of you. Channeling positive characteristics while filtering those less desirable. Thus are you becoming a different person? Woah. Like, metaphysical dilemma. I'm taking a nap.
ReplyDeleteAlso, one of the things I really enjoy in this world is typing out (winky face) instead of ;). I'm not sure why and perhaps I should search for other hobbies, but it just seems so delightfully snarky in an understated way that perhaps, I, alone, appreciate. It's like concentrated snark. Big thing, small package sort of deal.
hahaha, hilarious!
ReplyDeleteKathleen - If I wasn't leaving soon I'd take you up on that! How 'bout you start it and if it takes off and you become a millionaire then give me a job with some fancy title like "Awesome Phrase Maker-Upper" or "The Talent" and I won't do any work but I'll give people those cards to impress them. I'd also like a beach house if that's not asking too much - you are a millionaire after all.
ReplyDeleteBrian - I need a nap too (winky face)
Kim - thanks ever so!
LOVE IT! "I text like a skinny person." Trademark that, or I will steal it.
ReplyDelete;)
Feel free to use/steal/borrow as much as you like! If it's funny, it should be shared...and thanks!
ReplyDelete