That Aesthetically Pleases Me

What is it with men who are ruggedly handsome? Imagine hair that’s a little too long, nice and shaggy but in a very sexy “I don’t give a crap” kinda way. Three day old scruff. Slight farmer’s tan. Hairy chest. Broad shoulders. Tall. Gritty voice (preferably with a slight drawl). Worn jeans. T-shirt that fits just right. He rides a motorcycle, curses occasionally, says “ma-am” to old ladies, raises one eyebrow and the corner of his mouth instead of laughing, looks better dirty than clean, and smells like the outdoors (not smog but the good stuff like trees, sawdust, and salt).

I guess I just answered my own question.

This is probably as sexy as it gets for me.

A Man’s Man.

A Bad Boy (Yes, I'm aware he's here twice)

The type of guy who works with his hands and has punched someone full on the face at least once and not even necessarily for a good reason. The type of guy who doesn’t smoke on a regular basis but looks at home with a cigar. He loves his dog – Ty or Old Roy or Chief. Once, he drove cross-country on his Ducati just to feel the wind on his face.

Although this is the type of guy that sums up the epitome of sexy for me, it’s not the type of man I would want to marry or spend forever with or anything.

No.

That man laughs – full force – at anything funny. He’s dorky and wears glasses and reads a lot. He’s passionate about what he does. He’s sexy cuz he loves me. He forgives easily. He acts like a 5-year-old when appropriate. He likes people but isn’t afraid of being alone. He loves kids (not in a creepy way). He doesn’t make us get a dog cuz he knows I don’t like them (which is why I buy him one for our 10-year anniversary – then “accidentally” leave the backyard gate open cuz I remember that I don’t like them – then have “I’m a horrible wife/person, let me make it up to you” sex every night for a year cuz I feel really guilty). We have the same values – he loves Jesus too! We go to church together and discuss the Bible but occasionally sleep-in Sunday mornings and watch movies in bed cuz we know God will forgive us. He brings an extra bag of canned goods to the church food-drive the next Sunday cuz he feels bad. He doesn’t hold grudges. He’s not afraid to be affectionate. He isn’t perfect – there are things that drive me crazy – but he more than makes up for it by making me giggle. He loves The Office, Parks and Rec, Arrested Development, and Modern Family. He hates Keeping up with the Kardashians but still manages to watch the whole episode and get into long, fiery debates with me about how long Chloe and Lamar are gonna last and how Kim’s voice makes her far less hot than she seems with her mouth closed.

I haven’t met this man yet. I’m just saying.

I see ruggedly handsome and I think, “yes.”

I meet goofy and charming and I think, “Oh, that’s right. YES.”

First comes experiencing life, then comes knowing what you want, than comes dating, then comes love, then comes marriage, then…you know the rest. I’m probably still years away but I’m glad to finally know that I can spot a keeper when I meet one.

Scared to imagine what I would’ve chosen if I’d married young like some of my friends. Gosh, he’d probably say “that’s ill” and “hey, babe, wanna watch me play Grand Theft Auto?”

No, instead I’m joining the Peace Corps and postponing all that romantic nonsense for a later date. Hoping that right guy will still be around and still be nerdy.

Though, every one of my friends and family is convinced I’ll be married to some Eastern European before the two years is complete. That is not at all my intention. I find it highly unlikely. But you never know…

Here’s to hoping my future last name is one I can be proud of…even if I find it difficult to spell.

The current most popular guy names in the Ukraine:

Oleksander, Danylo, Maksym, Vladyslav, Mykyta, Artem, Ivan, Kyrylo, Yegor, Illya, Andriy, Oleksiy, Bohdan, Denys, Dmytro, and Yaroslav.

Think they have any of these in Eastern Europe?

-Age