Ah, Kids and Their Penguins

So, I may have mentioned before that I work at a day care. I love the people I work with, they are all so nice and go out of their way to show they care. My bosses in particular. I know most people don't like thier bosses but I love mine (you too Sheila, you may not be my boss but you're definetely a mentor). I work there, not because I need to, but because I want to.

But, the thing is, I get paid next to nothing. I often joke with my friends that I don't get paid in money but in smiles and baby kisses. I LOVE holding babies. Especially the part when they start crying or smelling and I can just give them back.

"Here, you go. He needs to be changed I think....excuse me? You think I should change him since I've been spoiling him for the last hour. Oh, no. I don't think so, I have very important and pressing work to do. Those phones aren't going to answer themselves. By the way, you may want to wear gloves, I think it's going to be a doozy."

AND, sometimes, I get to watch kids while they nap! Yes, that was meant to be sarcastic. Whenever I watch kids nap while their normal teacher goes on lunch, I always wish there was a giant-sized cot for me to sleep on too. This very soothing classical music is playing, there are soft, little snores coming from every direction, the room is cozy and warm and I...just...feel...like...zzzzzzzz.

But the one thing that redeems this time of day...art.

Yes, art. And not just any art. 2-year-old art. The range of these little masterpeices astounds me. Here, look:

It's winter time in Southern California. The weather is a chilly 68 degrees so, naturally, they made penguins as an art project. The teacher's pre-cut the shapes, show the kids what the penguin looks like all put togeher, hand them a glue stick, and then the kids go to town.

I want to highlight some of my favorites.

Perky Penguin

Pavarotti Penguin

Picasso Penguin

I couldn't think of the right P-word to describe this one (Oh, wait, just did, but it's not at all appropriate) though I think he's my favorite.

You know how kids say the darndest things? They also glue that darndest things. And why should we censor them? No, let's hang that on the wall and call it genius. Absolute penguin genius.

-Age

That's My Stripper Name, Don't Wear it Out

So, I found out recently that everyone has a stripper name. I didn’t know this. Apparently you take the name of your favorite childhood pet and the name of the street you grew up on and voila! Stripper name. Ahem.

Some of my friends’ stripper names are really awesome like Po Po Firehole (seriously) and Mandy Bangor (pronounced banger). But mine…not so much.

Jim Van Buren.

Yup.

So I tell my friends my stripper name and they go on and on making fun of it. Calling me a transgender stripper. A cross-dressing stripper. Either way, my stripper self obviously has daddy issues.

Naturally, I needed to create my own pretend name game in order to redeem myself. Behold!

My Movie Star Stage Name (Combination of one’s favorite flower and father’s middle name):

Daisy Franklin

My Super Hero Name (Starts with “The,” followed by a combination of one’s favorite color and favorite spice, and ending with the name of one’s first car):

The Blue Cinnamon Thunderbird (I, of course, have the ability to fly, instantly freeze bad-guys, and add a delightful punch to tea and applesauce)

My Mystery-Writer Pseudonym (Combination of one’s top three Literary characters):

Jane Elizabeth March

I feel better. Actually, Jim Van Buren feels better, like when there’s a five dollar bill among all those ones.

See me? Flying around near everyone's feet?

-Age

Being Love Has Never Been Easier (Repost)

I am reposting this from Jason Mraz's blog, Freshness Factor Five Thousand. It's what the holiday of love should be all about. Not gifts and romantic words, but compassion and action.

"Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. In my opinion, people have attached themselves to this holiday in a way that makes single people sad, those in relationships nervous, and those in marriage pressured. No matter what your status, I invite you to give love in a powerful, new way this year.

On Tuesday, January 12th, 2010, the peninsula nation of Haiti was devastated by the worst Earthquake to hit the world in generations. Hundreds of thousands are dead and Millions are displaced. They are only one hour off the shores of our mighty country and they need our support more than ever.

This Valentine’s Season I invite you to take action as a world citizen and contribute to our less fortunate neighbors. Here are a few ways to do so:

Donate Over the Web:

Free The Children – “Children Helping Children Through Education.” Having been working in Haiti for more than a decade they were fast to respond. Their primary objective is making sure children are safe, sourced, and have a future to look forward to. (This organization was founded by a 12 year old by the way. Of all the groups I’ve met and worked with – these guys move me like no other. They are my inspiration for being in action.) Please give generously.

http://www.freethechildren.com/haiti

InterAction is the largest coalition of U.S.-based international, non-governmental organizations (NGOs) focused on the world’s poor and most vulnerable people. Collectively, InterAction’s more than 180 members work in every developing country. Member organizations are large and small, faith-based and secular. They have a special link for Haiti.

http://www.interaction.org/crisis-list/earthquake-haiti

Google is also maintaining a page with information on what you can do to help. This is trusted source for reputable organizations you can contribute to such as the International Red Cross, UNICEF, and Doctors Without Borders.

http://www.google.com/relief/haitiearthquake/

Donate by Text Message

Yele Haiti – The Non-Profit, created by Haitian born recording artist Wyclef Jean (who I had the pleasure of meeting at “We Are The World”) is accepting $5 donations when you text “Yele” to 501501 or $10 donations when you text “Haiti” to the same number. Charges will appear on your cell phone bill.

Or Donate with a Phone Call:

You can make a phone call and donate to any number of organizations presently bringing relief to Haiti. Here are a few:

American Red Cross: 800 RED CROSS

Americares: 800 486 4357

International Rescue Committee: 877 REFUGEE

UNICEF U.S. Fund: 800 4 UNICEF

Habitat for Humanity International: 800 422 4828

Oxfam America: 800 776 9326

International Medical Corps: 800 481 4462

Don't put this off. A gift today would create so much possibility for the many lives waiting for a miracle. This is your opportunity to be such a miracle. Thanks for considering, Jason"

-Age

That Aesthetically Pleases Me

What is it with men who are ruggedly handsome? Imagine hair that’s a little too long, nice and shaggy but in a very sexy “I don’t give a crap” kinda way. Three day old scruff. Slight farmer’s tan. Hairy chest. Broad shoulders. Tall. Gritty voice (preferably with a slight drawl). Worn jeans. T-shirt that fits just right. He rides a motorcycle, curses occasionally, says “ma-am” to old ladies, raises one eyebrow and the corner of his mouth instead of laughing, looks better dirty than clean, and smells like the outdoors (not smog but the good stuff like trees, sawdust, and salt).

I guess I just answered my own question.

This is probably as sexy as it gets for me.

A Man’s Man.

A Bad Boy (Yes, I'm aware he's here twice)

The type of guy who works with his hands and has punched someone full on the face at least once and not even necessarily for a good reason. The type of guy who doesn’t smoke on a regular basis but looks at home with a cigar. He loves his dog – Ty or Old Roy or Chief. Once, he drove cross-country on his Ducati just to feel the wind on his face.

Although this is the type of guy that sums up the epitome of sexy for me, it’s not the type of man I would want to marry or spend forever with or anything.

No.

That man laughs – full force – at anything funny. He’s dorky and wears glasses and reads a lot. He’s passionate about what he does. He’s sexy cuz he loves me. He forgives easily. He acts like a 5-year-old when appropriate. He likes people but isn’t afraid of being alone. He loves kids (not in a creepy way). He doesn’t make us get a dog cuz he knows I don’t like them (which is why I buy him one for our 10-year anniversary – then “accidentally” leave the backyard gate open cuz I remember that I don’t like them – then have “I’m a horrible wife/person, let me make it up to you” sex every night for a year cuz I feel really guilty). We have the same values – he loves Jesus too! We go to church together and discuss the Bible but occasionally sleep-in Sunday mornings and watch movies in bed cuz we know God will forgive us. He brings an extra bag of canned goods to the church food-drive the next Sunday cuz he feels bad. He doesn’t hold grudges. He’s not afraid to be affectionate. He isn’t perfect – there are things that drive me crazy – but he more than makes up for it by making me giggle. He loves The Office, Parks and Rec, Arrested Development, and Modern Family. He hates Keeping up with the Kardashians but still manages to watch the whole episode and get into long, fiery debates with me about how long Chloe and Lamar are gonna last and how Kim’s voice makes her far less hot than she seems with her mouth closed.

I haven’t met this man yet. I’m just saying.

I see ruggedly handsome and I think, “yes.”

I meet goofy and charming and I think, “Oh, that’s right. YES.”

First comes experiencing life, then comes knowing what you want, than comes dating, then comes love, then comes marriage, then…you know the rest. I’m probably still years away but I’m glad to finally know that I can spot a keeper when I meet one.

Scared to imagine what I would’ve chosen if I’d married young like some of my friends. Gosh, he’d probably say “that’s ill” and “hey, babe, wanna watch me play Grand Theft Auto?”

No, instead I’m joining the Peace Corps and postponing all that romantic nonsense for a later date. Hoping that right guy will still be around and still be nerdy.

Though, every one of my friends and family is convinced I’ll be married to some Eastern European before the two years is complete. That is not at all my intention. I find it highly unlikely. But you never know…

Here’s to hoping my future last name is one I can be proud of…even if I find it difficult to spell.

The current most popular guy names in the Ukraine:

Oleksander, Danylo, Maksym, Vladyslav, Mykyta, Artem, Ivan, Kyrylo, Yegor, Illya, Andriy, Oleksiy, Bohdan, Denys, Dmytro, and Yaroslav.

Think they have any of these in Eastern Europe?

-Age

Adventure Saturday

Over the past several weekends, my friends and I have started what we call "Adventure Saturdays." We made a list of all the fun things we would do like: Hike the Bridge to Nowhere, visit the Getty Museum in LA, try to find, and complete, an obstacle course, among others.

This past Saturday, we had tickets to see Mary Poppins the Musical which was awesome (I have a big, fat crush on Bert but who doesn't?). But before the show we went to Los Angeles Museum of Contemporary art (aka LA MOCA) and the Disney Music Hall because they were both right across the street from the Ahmanson Theater.

Here's what we saw:

It's a big, mosaic rose fountain made from broken bits a blue China, so pretty.

OK. So, I thought this was french and it made me really curious until my friend, Charlie, told me it stood for Los Angeles Department of Transportation. Um, duh.

The only thing the Getty and LA MOCA have in common

Yup, that's a Jackson Polluck. Jealous?

I think this one was my favorite

Andy Warhol! There was a Campbell's soup can but they wouldn't let me take a picture of it.

So, overall, very fun weekend and I haven't even found out if I won money from my Super Bowl pool!

-Age

Uh, Sank You

Ever notice how fortune cookies nowadays aren’t actually fortunes, it’s more like advice:

“Do not mistake temptation for opportunity”

“He who throws dirt is losing ground”

“The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get it’s pearl”

I’m not saying this isn’t good advice it’s just, Dude, if I wanted some words of wisdom I’d ask an old person…probably an old Chinese person would be best but when it comes to what comes outta my cookie (that sounded dirty, sorry), I want something potentially prophetic!

I say potentially for a reason: I don’t actually think “a mysterious and handsome stranger will enter my life in the next week” but I’d like to think it’s possible, you know. Isn’t there some crap going around about visualizing what you want and what you’d like to be in order to increase your chance of success? Some kind of Secret that’s not a secret anymore? Whatever.

I’ve mentioned in the past that I naïvely believe too strongly in different sayings and turns-of-phrase. Same goes for fortune cookies. I genuinely enjoy the idea that these mass-produced, little strips of American-invented, commercialized paper might actually hold the key to all my future happiness. Why? Cuz I’m lazy and I’d much rather let Fate do all the work. Why lift a finger when I can just crack open a cookie – and then eat it (Wow, dirty! Again, I’m sorry)

OK.

Here’s where it gets good (if you just said, “finally!” – bite me twice):

That’s right, Ladies and Gentlemen, I received an actual fortune. And not just any fortune – the best possible fortune one could imagine. I’ve been carrying around this fragile piece of paper in my wallet for years now. Years. And now I’m going to the Peace Corps and Europe! See!

Just to keep a clean conscience in all of this – to me, Fate is God and He is in control. I just sometimes get carried away with romantic ideas of Destiny, Fate, Kismet, and Luck. I love four-leaf clovers, horseshoes, and making shooting star wishes. It’s so…optimistic!

I think all of this boils down to Hope. My favorite word. Where would I be without it? I’d rather not consider the possibilities. But I do know that Hope is taking my feet to new soil soon!

-Age

Winky Face

I don’t want to be one of those girls that complains about how fat I think I am so people will say:

“OMG, Adrienne, you are not fat.”

Cuz, while I’m far from skinny, I can do the “10 second stare” in the bathroom mirror right before I hop in the shower (this isn’t a ritual or anything – I just read somewhere, Cosmo probably, that a confident woman should be able to do this without crying or throwing up).

Despite this, I feel like I’m skinnier through technology. Just like when someone’s IQ goes up by dyeing their hair brown, I get thinner through text message, Facebook, blog comments, etc. I just type away like a size 2.

I could text message in skinny jeans. Update my status in one of those long hippy dresses without it looking like my grandmother’s muumuu (my grandmother doesn’t actually wear muumuus, she prefers t-shirts with cats or puppies on them as some grandmother’s do – but you get the visual). I could comment while lying on my stomach at the beach in a bikini and not once think about what my butt looks like in such unforgiving lighting.

I think I want to have a t-shirt made that says:

“I text like a skinny person”

or

“Does having over 100 friends make my facebook look fat?”

Or

“Just the salad, please. I’m a blogger.”

I’m not skinny in all media’s, however. Over the phone I’m that creepy guy that walks his tiny dog at midnight in a grey sweats and a hot pink beanie. Over email I’m prudish and don’t even get me started about faxing!

Don’t hate me cuz my butt looks good in these tweets.

Pic borrowed without asking from here

-Age