That's My Stripper Name, Don't Wear it Out

So, I found out recently that everyone has a stripper name. I didn’t know this. Apparently you take the name of your favorite childhood pet and the name of the street you grew up on and voila! Stripper name. Ahem.

Some of my friends’ stripper names are really awesome like Po Po Firehole (seriously) and Mandy Bangor (pronounced banger). But mine…not so much.

Jim Van Buren.

Yup.

So I tell my friends my stripper name and they go on and on making fun of it. Calling me a transgender stripper. A cross-dressing stripper. Either way, my stripper self obviously has daddy issues.

Naturally, I needed to create my own pretend name game in order to redeem myself. Behold!

My Movie Star Stage Name (Combination of one’s favorite flower and father’s middle name):

Daisy Franklin

My Super Hero Name (Starts with “The,” followed by a combination of one’s favorite color and favorite spice, and ending with the name of one’s first car):

The Blue Cinnamon Thunderbird (I, of course, have the ability to fly, instantly freeze bad-guys, and add a delightful punch to tea and applesauce)

My Mystery-Writer Pseudonym (Combination of one’s top three Literary characters):

Jane Elizabeth March

I feel better. Actually, Jim Van Buren feels better, like when there’s a five dollar bill among all those ones.

See me? Flying around near everyone's feet?

-Age