What a Difference a Day Makes

Journal Entry from May 16, 2010:

I’ve been in Bulgaria for 5 days now. The “vacation” in the mountains was great and getting to know all 87 volunteers was truly amazing. Being in a space with so many intelligent, funny, and inspired people was unlike anything I’ve ever been a part of. Though, by the end of orientation, I was ready to get the show on the road and feel like a real PC trainee.

What was I thinking?

That mountain resort was paradise! My own little bubble to keep me safe from the reality of what I’ve gotten myself into. That mountainous retreat that took my breath away (literally) made it so that using the phrases, “Ne znam” and “Ne razbiram” was simply practice as opposed to a constant stream of words reminding me (and my host family, bless their hearts) that I can’t speak Bulgarian!!! Honestly? No, Seriously? What was I thinking?!?!

While it’s true that the gifted PC staff did tell us at orientation that this would happen, all the awkwardness and apologetic looks, all the gesturing and remembering too late which direction to shake my head, I still can’t help but feel as though I’ve been tricked somehow.

“This chick actually thought she could just show up in a foreign country and not only work and live here for two years but learn the language in just the first 11 weeks? What a sucker!”

Of course, no one’s actually thinking this (unless this is an elaborate episode of Punked in which case Ashton Kutcher is gonna get a foot in the face. He’s tall, but I can do it). No, there are 86 other people within a 50 kilometer radius in my position (though it’s doubtful any of them broke something on their first night. Yup, I’m that girl). They are writing in their journals right now about their doubts and trepidations just like I am, hoping that this release offers some relief (or the other way around? Whatever.)

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Over and over and over again until tomorrow is better. Until the day I’m saying a tearful good-bye to my host parents, V--- and A---, making plans to come and visit T--- soon. (I'm not leaving the names blank to seem cool and mysterious. Well, not entirely. They suggested we do this just for precaution)

So far, my host parents are very sweet and their house is pretty swanky. I have a whole little suite all to myself. There’s internet, a washing machine, and the garden surrounding their house is amazing. I haven’t seen much of the property or farm animals yet but I’m excited to soon.

Tomorrow we go to B--- S--- to buy cell phones, shampoo (!), and register with the police (more about that in the future I’m sure). I’ll be so happy to be with my satellite group, Mary, Kate, Tom, and our Language Instructor/Most Crucial Person in My Life Right Now, Veronika.

I really am happy to be here though I’m also so unsure about the future.

Currently grateful for: The many other B-26’s that have already touched my life; a beautiful home and great family to take care of me for the next 10 weeks; and the promise of a memorable and life-changing adventure.

Currently freaking out about: What if I can’t learn the language?!?! What if my host family doesn’t like me?! How am I going to make an impact here and actually become a force for progress? It all seems so far away. I can’t even imagine it. But I’ll try.

What I can control now are the goals I set for myself and the love and compassion I show others.

Thank you, Lord, for this life and all we can make of it if we take a small (or giant) step of faith out of what’s comfortable and into what’s new, exciting, and real.

Lecka Nosht!

-------------------------------

May 17, 2010:

North-Eastern Bulgaria (ish)

My satellite group and I crammed into the back of a taxi (if any PC staff read this, seatbelts were securely fastened...ahem)

We had lunch here today. Hubova, ne?

I'd include pictures of my host family but I'm not really sure that's OK so I'll just tell you that they are the best looking host family in the Peace Corps and anyone who argues will have to face me and the questionable friends I made at the police station today. Yeah, I didn't think so.

Tomorrow (as in today) was better.

-Age