Simultaneously Ass-Cold and Spicy (do you doubt it?)

So…what the heck happened to Fall? It’s like we skipped it here in Bulgaria. Which is effing ridiculous cuz I love the Fall and I absolutely refuse to skip it. Refuse. I’m going to wear light sweaters and brown leggings if it kills me (which it might). I’m going to carve pumpkins with my kids and dress up in costumes that don’t require knee-length coats. I will be Slutty Cheese! Oh, by the way, for Halloween, I’ve decided to be Slutty Cheese. That’s Swiss cheese with strategically placed holes. But that’s only for adults who will find it funny, for my students I will have clothes underneath my costume and simply be cheese, which is still pretty funny if you think about it.

This whole instantaneous weather changing business is rather disturbing. I mean, when we first got here it was quite chilly and then suddenly it was hot as blazes. After enduring this hell-like summer in the hottest area of Bulgaria we came to our permanent sites and BAM! Ass-cold. Just like that. The weather now is California Winter at its absolute coldest. I’ve yet to experience anything colder than this and yet I’m told that not only will I have to experience it, I will have to live and work in it, even, as mentioned by one seriously delusional friend of mine, enjoy it which doesn’t seem possible. Not to mention, if the weather changes suddenly for every season then when winter actually hits I’ll probably die. I’ll be found frozen in my bed. People will say, “The volunteer from California died last night from instantaneous hypothermia, it must be winter.” I don’t want to die. I want to live. Preferably at a comfortable temperature. Is that too much to ask?

Just yesterday, I was standing on the corner waiting to meet my counterpart so we could walk to the café for Bulgarian lessons when I noticed everyone staring at me as they drove by. Now, I’m used to being stared at here. I’m new, I’m not Bulgarian in some sort of obvious way that I can’t quite understand but it occurred to me at this moment, on this corner, that I may look like a poorly-dressed prostitute. This caused me to laugh hysterically. Alone. On a corner. I decided to move as I didn’t want to give that impression, I don’t mind being mistaken for a prostitute every now and again but a poorly-dressed one is simply something I will not stand for. I need some nice winter clothes.

I now understand why they say that all of Bulgaria shuts down in the winter and volunteers often suffer loneliness and depression because everyone is locked away in their homes trying to escape the cold. Even now, I’m debating whether to leave my home and go buy water and bread. Sustenance. I’m in dire need. But it’s bitingly cold outside. That’s actually the perfect analogy as it does feel as though the air is actually biting me, which is just rude.

In the middle of writing this I went to the bathroom and realized I’m out of toilet paper. Sustenance is one thing but toilet paper is something else entirely. I’m braving this bitch. Sorry, cold weather makes me grouchy and when I’m grouchy I curse. If this offends you, you can feel free to bite me. Twice.

Anyway, in unrelated news, I went to the store a few days ago and bought some spices. I don’t know what kinds of spices, they were all labeled in Bulgarian. They are in clear-plastic pouches instead of small cylinders like most spices so I got to see what they looked like which encouraged me to purchase the prettiest spices. I bought orange, red, green, and brown spices. They all look delicious and I’m hoping they’re edible as well. In fact I’ll Google Translate those suckers right now and let you know what I got (I’m sure you’re all dying to know more about my Bulgarian spice collection that’s simply for looks since I don’t how to cook).

Шарена сол: Colorful salt

Чубрица: Savory

Червен пипер: Paprika

Балканска трапезна чубрица: Balkan savory table (my personal favorite)

Индийско орехче: Nutmeg

Къри: Curry (I figured)

Чесън на прах: Garlic powder

Well, that solves that mystery. I’m a regular Sherlock Holmes of spices! Salt and Pepper Holmes, if you will. No, that just makes me sound like a Hispanic R&B group. Maybe Sherlock Humus? I’ll stop.

OK, more from the Balkans to come (hopefully something educational!). Ciao!

-Age