No Offense, But...

No offense to those who’ve claimed to have experienced it, but I don’t actually believe that love at first sight exists. Unless certain people’s idea of love is simply to be attracted to another, in which case I myself have fallen in love many a time with a single glance. However, I think it’s better described as lust at first sight. Which is fine and perfectly normal as everyone has experienced this particular, um, emotion. We see someone we find attractive and our brain goes, “I want to have that,” but that’s hardly romantic and not something I would brag about until actual words are exchanged.

Not to mention that the keyword of this particular phrase is “sight,” right? So, it’s based on what a person sees. I’m just wondering, is lighting at all a factor? Does setting or atmosphere play into all of this? If a person is absolutely wonderful in every way, a genius, a family man, a doer of good deeds, does he somehow get cast out of the love at first sight game because he has no sense of fashion? I mean, these people who are falling in love at first sight, are we really wanting to encourage this? Should these people actually get together and, gulp, procreate? Is this benefitting society? I’ll leave you to ponder that.

Now, if lust at first sight were to turn in to love after many sights and talks and kisses, well, those situations turn into really great stories told by little old ladies with thick glasses and a constant desire to pat anyone under the age of 40 on top of the head. But it’s best if these particular people are clear about when the lust finally blossomed into love. You know, for the sake of children and stupid people as both are highly impressionable groups.

Unless of course you are a rich business man looking for a trophy wife, then lust at first sight is rather perfect for your particular needs. That, and an extensive background check coupled with a strong relationship to a renowned plastic surgeon.

I’m actually really confused as to why love at first sight is even considered a romantic notion. I remember being young and hearing it for the first time and, at first, smiling and thinking it was sweet and lovely as the person using the phrase said it in such a way that my only option was to indeed find it sweet and lovely, but upon further reflection my staunchly independent (some would call it bratty) nature, caused me to realized that the phrase made no sense at all. How could you be in love without actually knowing the person you’re in love with unless you’re, well, I’ll just say it, dumb?

I think the issue is that this particular American phrase was created many generations ago when the desire to be considered an individual was not as prolific as it is today. Everyone was basically the same and people were OK with that. If a woman was to find a man attractive then love is a perfectly good description of that feeling as he’s probably kind, hard-working, moderately sexist, and a lover of bacon and long afternoon naps. Nothing sweeter.

But today that is simply not the case. We are all so different and assumptions can only cause trouble. You simply can’t be in love with just a glance in today’s society, it’s no longer applicable.

Perhaps I’m being too conservative. I will allow “like” at first sight if that appeases anyone who was in any way put off by my view of things. I mean, maybe the first time you saw the guy he was coaching a baseball team full of wheelchair-bound orphans. Or that sweet looking girl was passing out meals to the homeless while leading all the other volunteers in a tear-jerking rendition of Amazing Grace. I could fall in instant like with that kind of crap. Sure.

I suppose one could argue that unless you've experienced this particular phenomenon, then there's really no way to know if there's any validity to it, some people are simply capable of true, instant love. And I could argue that some people are morons. So no more of this love at first sight business, please.

-Age