It’s as if I’m at the top of a roller coaster. It’s highest point. I can see the entire amusement park that is my life down below from the kiddy-filled Dumbo ride to the Tunnel of Love. The last “click” has sounded and I am now at that moment when the ride seems to stop altogether, if only for a fraction of a second, before racing at much too high a speed down, down, down. My hair will whip around, the skin on my face start to peel back in a freakish grin, my stomach doing summersaults, and a long, loud scream scraping through my throat.
In a little over a week’s time, I turn 26. The latter half of my twenties. The, “Oh, hey! The big 3-0’s comin’ up soon!” The barely hanging on to my mid-twenties. The “Holy Crap. When did this happen?”
Why does 26 sound so much older than 25? Is it just me?
Not that my…gulp…late twenties won’t be awesome. I’m sure it’s going to be great, full of adventure and blah, blah, blah. I can’t summon up the energy to think about that now. I’m too busy freaking out!
Though I know I’m on the “right path” and all, there is still a part of me that feels I should have checked some more things of the List of Life by now. Shouldn’t I be married or at least close (I am not even remotely close)? Maybe even have a kid or two? Shouldn’t I be full of 5-year, 10-year, 20-year plans and overflowing personal calendars/organizers/agendas? Shouldn’t I have my own place for crying out loud (not like a room where I get to cry however loud I want, that was just an expression), 26 being way too old to still have roommates (who aren’t even really roommates cuz it’s their house and I’m just renting a room)?
Birthdays. Boo. Too much forced self-reflection. Why can’t I just rip open my gifts, drink too much, and be done with it?
Life really does seem like a roller coaster sometimes. You wait in line for hours and when you finally get on the ride, pull the safety bar down (have the amusement park employee double check it cuz, really, it’s better to be safe than dead on the pavement having been tossed out mid-loop), before you know it, the ride’s over. The trick is to make sure you’re waiting in line with people you really like and when those opportunities in life come along in which “hopping on” and “holding on for dear life” are necessary, make the absolute most out of them.
I hope to do just that so when I talk about turning 96, it’ll just be me rambling again about all the wonderful memories I’ve created… “Remember that one time, when we were waiting in line for the log ride, and Amanda translated Nelly’s ‘Pimp Juice’ into white-people-talk? She called it ‘Man Milk’. And remember the time when we were waiting in line for Splash Mountain and Colleen sang ‘The Devil Went Down to Georgia’ and said, ‘sit right there in that chair right there’ while pointing at an imaginary chair and people around us started to get kinda freaked out? And remember when…”
-Age
I can understand your stress and I've been feeling that a bit as well, but seriously, 30 is the new 20. I have a ton of girlfriends that are in their early 30s that are still single and figuring out what they want to do in life and they are constantly telling me to stop worrying because at 24 (or 26) we're still really young and have a ton of time to take care of the other stuff. I for one am personally happy not to be married or with children (and renting too for that matter) because owning a house, having a husband and children, etc are such huge responsibilities, we need to enjoy our 20s and figure out what we want out of life before adding others to it. I think as long as your happy and focus on your friendships, career and personal goals, you're way ahead of the curve. Don't let the rollercoaster scare you, just enjoy the ride! :)
ReplyDeleteYou write amazingly well.
ReplyDeleteI'm worried about being 21..i think THAT's too old!
Kim - Thank you, that was very encouraging. I think you're right - I'm gonna have fun, explore, and wait until later to do all of that boring stuff. :)
ReplyDeleteNahl - Thank you!!! 21! You're practically a baby!
Great post about the celebration/stress of birthdays. If it helps I've found my later twenties have been the best ones yet for me when it all comes together. Happy Pre Birthday.
ReplyDeleteFirst, happy birthday to you, too. Almost.
ReplyDeleteAnd 26 isn't that old, right? I've just been through the process of convincing myself that 24 isn't old and it'd be awesome if it'd last a couple of years. I'm convinced it will.
Thirdly, my baseball comment was meant to be ambiguous because I don't really want my employer nosing around my junk (they do that. Bad Employer! Sit.) But I work for the Kansas City Royals as a promotions assistant. Basically I help coordinate game entertainment between innings. It's cool because I get to watch a lot of baseball, but I'm not anywhere near diving for line drives. Though I'm trying to get in good with the GM (kind of like that Arrested Development episode where Tobias is working as a security guard on a studio lot and keeps going up to people being like, "have you heard about that Funke?" so his audition will go better. If you don't watch Arrested Development you should.) Anyway, I think I'm contractually obligated to not disclose my affiliation with the club in online forums lest people assume my opinions are that of the club (because people do that, apparently?)
So don't tell anybody! Shhhhh.