My Future as a Bootlegger

It all started in High School. Back then, I was just a social drinker. I might have a few drinks at parties or when I went out with friends. That didn’t last long. I then began to drink alone, when I felt the need. I would even make special trips to the store if it was unavailable at home. It didn’t really matter what time of day; morning, noon, night, it was all the same to me. Now, my addiction is something I try to hide even from the friends I started drinking with in the first place. I think about it all the time. The sleek silver can, the sweet yet stinging taste, the boundless energy I receive just a few short minutes after consumption. Diet Coke. How does anyone live without it?

I cannot make it through the day without caffeine, my drug of choice. But I do not consider myself hindered by this addiction. I like to think of Diet Coke as a friend and, like many people, I rely on our friendship to make it through the daily grind. In the life of an on-the-go American it can help with the most common of obstacles. Tired? Diet Coke. Headache? Diet Coke? A three hour meeting on the history of boring by Mr. Boss Man? My old companion, Diet Coke.

I’ll never forget the first time. I was at the beach, it was hot, and I was rather parched. I opened the lid of the ice chest and was instantly blinded by a bright reflecting light. As I looked down, I did not see the neon of the lemon-lime drinks I had grown accustomed to, but the shining silver of my first Diet Coke. The moment the bubbles hit my nose I knew this was no ordinary soda. Once the sharp sweetness hit the back of my throat I no longer had to wander through the world of your average, caffeine deprived beverages. I was home.



I have gone an entire day without Diet Coke. The consequences were far from pretty. I can become extremely grumpy. Snapping at family and friends at the slightest provocation is a common occurrence when I am going through caffeine withdrawals. The lack of Diet Coke causes me to become lethargic as well, I lose all focus without my daily fix. Not to mention the headaches. Those who are addicted to caffeine often suffer from nagging headaches that can last for days and I am no exception. Don’t you see why I need Diet Coke?

If you want more proof, if you are still not convinced that I am merely a victim of this very real addiction then please listen to what my friends, “The Researchers,” have to say, “Caffeine is the most popular and widely consumed drug in the world.” This means I’m not the only one, a comforting thought. But I fear that the recent use of the word “drug” when referring to caffeine will lead to one disastrous outcome: caffeine prohibition. If this were to take place, my future as a bootlegger would be sealed.