Doctors, Dentists, and Prince Charming

So, the next step in this Peace Corps process is to complete a physical and dental examination. They sent me a medical packet listing all of the things I need to have completed by a doctor/dentist and turn in as soon as possible. It’s all pretty basic. Like a really in-depth physical. But the booster shots…

I have to get like nine different shots! Holy Crap! And I’m thinking of doing this all in one visit. Just, boom, get it done. But now I’m wondering if I even have enough skin on my body to get that many shots. What if I were to get them all on one arm and the next day my arm falls off? I think that can happen.

Or what if I spread them out and than it looks like I’ve been attacked in my sleep by needle-yielding gnomes? I just gave myself the chills. I’m definitely checking under my bed tonight for any sign of gnomes. I’ll look for yarn. I'm pretty sure they like to knit things. I also think they use chewing tobacco so I’ll look for spittoons as well. Man, I really hope there’s not a spittoon under my bed.

Maybe I’m over-exaggerating. It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten a shot. Maybe there’s not even a mark. I don’t know. But I sorta feel like I’m five years old again, just about to get those pre-Kindergarten shots, old enough to know they suck and yet too young to do anything about it. Just sitting and waiting for the inevitable torture that my mom and this strange man in a long white jacket plan to inflict on me. Punks.

My mom’s not coming with me this time. Kinda wish she would.

There are other aspects of the physical exam part that I am REALLY not looking forward to but I’ll spare you all the details. Can I just say, “ew.” Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

I also have really terrible insurance. Basically, if I get in a really bad car accident, my head falls off and the doctor’s have to re-attach it, I’ll be covered. Beyond that, nada. So I really gotta make this visit go a long way. It’ll be a long, looooonnnnnnggggg day.

And I’ve only been to the dentist once in the past six years (to get my wisdom teeth pulled so my teeth would stop getting all smooshed) and during my check-up they said, “You seem to take excellent care of your teeth, no cavities.” I’ve never had a cavity. Perfect teeth. Who says you have to go to the dentist every six months? Just brush ‘em!

No dental insurance anymore whatsoever. This is the reason I have decided not to take up boxing or hockey. Okay, not the only reason.

Basically, I’m really hoping to pull the, “I’m joining the Peace Corps cuz I’m awesome so I was sorta hoping you would do all of this for free” card (smiling oh, so sweetly).

If that doesn’t work, I’ll just marry some Eastern European prince and he’ll pay for all my medical bills in rubies and diamonds. But only the old, dirty one’s that he was planning to throw out anyway.



-Age