How Very American of Me

Up until recently I've focused mainly on the specific aspects of Bulgarian culture I've observed over the past 9 months. I can tell you all the ways that Bulgarians are unique and about their many traditions and how their past has shaped their present. Though lately, I've realized a couple of eye-opening things about American culture that I'd never noticed before. Things that are so obviously reflected in my actions and attitude that I can't believe I wasn't more conscious of them before coming here.

The first, Americans have a very strong sense of justice. We view fairness as a right, one to be defended. Bulgarians rely much more heavily on luck and fate and generally believe that good things happen to some, bad things to others, and fairness plays little part in it all. But Americans do not like to be treated unfairly. Not. one. bit.

Case in point, when a group of us went to Sofia for my birthday, we were waiting on a corner to cross the street when an man with a thick Irish accent yelled at us as he walked by, "Hey, you guys are really rude! The way you talk about Bulgaria is insulting and disrespectful! Learn some manners!" He then kept walking, satisfied with having lectured a group of Americans. We were immediately outraged as a healthy percentage of our group was, in fact, not American but Bulgarian and not a single one of us was saying anything even remotely disrespectful. His obvious prejudice against us caused us to defend ourselves...to no avail.

After we called after him with our complaints, the man turned around and walked up to us visibly upset and obviously inebriated. He yelled at one of my Bulgarian friends, D, calling him an "arrogant American" when my friend replied in a thick accent, "I'm Bulgarian." The man only blinked for a second before telling him he was "just like his arrogant, American friends.” As I was closest to him, I had much to say about his accusations and insults one of which was, "I'm sorry, who's being rude?" He replied, and I'm quoting him word-for-word, "I'm not rude, I'm Irish." Yeah, OK, my mistake. After that, all I had to say to him was, "Go away. Just go away and leave us alone," which he didn't appreciate much but after my much more patient Bulgarian friend, V, intervened he eventually left.

We were pretty upset about that encounter for hours afterwards and it wasn't until the next day that I realized how one unfair comment can set-off a whirlwind of obstinate resolve to set the record straight. All of our arguments with this man were logically-based and genuinely in search of a legitimate reason for his accusations. We didn't like being labeled simply because of our accents. That's not something we're used to and not something we tolerate from others.

The second thing I realized about our American culture though, be prepared, I am about to generalize, is our preference towards the casual rather than the formal. It could be simply a middle-class thing or even just a California thing but I never feel comfortable in formal settings. And, you know me, when I'm uncomfortable, bad things happen.

Like last night, when I went to a birthday dinner and continually blushed for no good reason throughout the entire meal. I had what I would equate to an anxiety attack though I wouldn't want to imply that I experienced anything close to what people who actually have anxiety issues experience. However, last night was awful in terms of simply feeling like I'd rather be anywhere else, an unnecessary fight-or-flight response to nothing more than a na gosti with friends.

It was just so darn formal. Sitting around a table, burning hot in the room because of the furnace, fancy dishes and glasses that didn't quite fit so I kept awkwardly dropping my fork on the floor. People singling me out simply because I'm the American who speaks English. I swear if we'd been at a cafe or just sitting around the TV, I would’ve been fine. But, instead, I kept turning red and receiving pitying glances from the baba I barely knew. Not only that, but my friend’s dad bombarded me with political theories regarding America and all of its faults. I actually got a little upset which never happens. Not to contradict my point above, I believe that differing opinions regarding politics and the government of a country in general are common and nothing to get worked-up over. But, last night was a nightmare. Plain and simple. I won't even tell you how the night ended cuz I still don't want to admit it to myself. Embarrassed would be the best way to describe how I feel.

Anyway, my point is, that it all started with the formality of the setting. I prefer casual. Casual is my favorite, right up there with crime novels, orange-flavored things, and flip flops.

My general awkwardness hit an all-time low but I'm sure my Bulgarian friends will forgive me - they are super great people and take good care of me even though I now know for sure that they think Americans are a little weird.

-Age