Do Bulgarian Teachers Wear High Heels?

I got a package today from my mom. It was a bit bulky and oddly shaped, stretching at the cardboard seams and, upon examining this box in the small post office in my Bulgarian village, I was quite intrigued as to what my mother had sent me. I’d given her a list of things I wanted but my mom doesn’t always listen to me and it was very possible that this package either contained everything I asked for or a magic set and a signed poster of Tom Selleck.

Here’s what I got:

• · A book based off of Pride and Prejudice
• · Numerous office supplies (awesome!)
• · 5 dresses (one of which is actually a Halloween costume – Athena, the Greek Goddess of Wisdom, naturally)
• · A bracelet with a small owl charm cuz owl’s are my favorite
• · And a ridiculous amount of tampons, which is what gave the box it’s odd shape

And let me tell you, it was like Christmas! I got, pretty much, what I'd asked for and I’ve never been so happy to receive post-it notes in my life! But that kinda stuff is so rare here and when I do find it, it’s just so expensive that I cannot justify the purchase.

So, of course, I immediately tried on all the dresses, remembered what it felt like to be girly and thought, “I don’t have shoes for these!” How in the world I could be regretting having not brought my black, peep-toe, platform heels as a Peace Corps volunteer is one of those great dichotomies that exists only in PC Bulgaria. While in January, I was expecting to be sent to a place where I could potentially live in a mud hut and bathe in the river, I was not expecting to have to learn the lesson of practicality as all the luxuries of the world are at my fingertips but not actually close enough for me to grasp.

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The fact that there are clubs and fancy restaurants and places to buy beautiful clothes I think actually makes living in Bulgaria more difficult than a mud hut. Because I can’t have those things. I want those things. I see a washing machine in a shop window for 300 leva and I think, “I want that right now!” I see a pretty pair of shoes or a dining set that sparkles, taunting me with its shininess, and then see the reflection of the covetous look on my face before turning away.

Basically, I’m having trouble being frugal here. I was told by the volunteer who lives near me, a very hard-working girl who’s been here for over a year, that these first few months will be difficult, “you’ll wonder how in the world you’re going to survive on so little but, eventually, you’ll get used to this life, spend less and less, and then begin to save money without even meaning to.” I certainly hope so. Cuz right now I’m fighting the urge to go buy a pair of black heels. To match a dress I don’t know when I’m going to wear.

It’s not to say that I was rolling in the dough when I lived in California. Quite the opposite, actually. I worked between 50 and 60 hours a week most of the time and still could barely manage to pay my rent. I never knew what sort of paycheck I’d be receiving as my work hours were always changing and maintaining two, sometimes even three, jobs was often a nightmare. I’d save up for weeks to buy something like a black pair of heels. But I bought them. I genuinely felt I needed them. I know I don’t need those things here but it’s gonna take some serious will-power not to start a “shoe’s for Adrienne” fund instead of devoting my time to fundraise for the many needs of this community. I’ll do what I should, and gladly. I’m just saying it’s not gonna be easy. Or, it would be easy, if I were doing it in a pair of black, peep-toe, platform heels.

-Age

Whatta Ya Want, Soul?

When’s the last time you went on a good soul search? I know, right? Who does that? The truth is, surprisingly few. To really examine your life and your wants and your goals is not easy. It’s a daunting task and, frankly, something I have been actively avoiding. I just don’t wanna.

What exactly do you have to do anyway? Meditate on the floor of your room with the door closed and your legs crossed? Sit alone in a church pew with the stain glass shining colorfully on your face? Rise early in the morning and go for a long run? Discuss it at length with your therapist? I have no clue.

And then there’s the question of belief. If you believe in God then you believe that your life is basically His and His will for you is what’s best. So we give our burdens to Him and dust off our hands as we go on your merry way. Could it actually be that simple? Does giving our professional life, personal life, love life to God mean that we’re done? Life is from then on care-free and taken care of? I would think we would all still have to be proactive. Go after our goals while maintaining a close relationship with Him so we know His plan is being followed. Tricky.

And when we decide what we want, we have to weigh the pro’s and con’s. What are you willing to sacrifice for your goals? How much time? How much money? How will it affect family and friends? Is it too late?

And then you have to take action. Actually begin. When? Where? How?

Screw it!

So we go on living a life full of regret and borderline depression. Who cares? So the world was never able to benefit from our desire to change it. Whatever. So life sucks and then you die. Big whoop.

You know the great thing about life? It’s always changing. All around you. All the time. It can’t be stopped, slowed down, or reversed. People make decisions. Big ones. Small ones. And the world changes. Right now, you can decide to go back to school and finish that Bachelor’s degree you started so long ago. Right now, you can Google the price of a plane ticket to Jerusalem and calculate how many Starbucks you’ll have to sacrifice to afford it. Right now, you can tell the person you love how you feel for the first time. Right now, I can search my soul, look deep into the heart of my desires and say, “Whatta ya want?” Right now.

“I have plans for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

-Age