Conundrum

So, I was talking to a guy friend of mine last night that recently met a girl he’s interested in and he wanted to know how many times he’d have to call her and create a phone rapport before he could ask her on a face-to-face date. He was hoping to get in two calls and then ask her if he could see her this weekend. I responded with,

“I dunno.”

“Is that enough time or should I wait til the following weekend? Should I call her more than twice before making a date? What do you think?”

“Um…Yeah, I don’t know. Sorry. But I’m gonna go ahead and go with yes, that’s enough and you should go for it!”

“You think so?!”

“Ummmmm….”

He then went on to explain how much work is involved in starting a relationship with a girl. I said,

“Should it feel like work? I mean, when you like a girl, shouldn’t the thought of talking to her and seeing her be fun and exciting, not work?”

“It is fun and exciting, but it’s also work. At least in the beginning. At least for the guy.”

I told him I didn’t think it was fair that the guy gets to be the one that dictates how and when a relationship begins. We have to wait for the guy to call and the guy to make the move. I told him that girls just have to idly wait around and follow the “rules.”

But then I decided that having to call someone up and start a conversation/relationship when you aren’t sure of their feelings for you sounds absolutely terrifying and that I don’t thinks it’s unfair at all now that I’ve quieted the overly-feminist side of my brain and thought it through completely. He’s right, that sounds like a lot of work.

However, it did remind me of a conversation I had with one of my girlfriends from back home. She had been dating this great guy for a little over a year and hoping for a proposal. They discussed marriage and how they would create a life together but he wanted to wait until everything was “just right” before popping the question. I said,

“Does it seem fair to you that it’s up to him when you become engaged? You’re ready now but you have to wait for him to ask you? He knows that you’ll say ‘yes,’ but you still have to wait?”

“Hey…yeah…you’re right! That’s totally unfair. Why should I have to wait?”

She wasn’t silly enough to bring this up to him (thank goodness) and it wasn’t my intention to make her feel like she was being mistreated in any way. I was simply curious as to how she felt about it. These rules of conduct between men and women seem silly to me sometimes but, like most things, I suppose some sort of structure is necessary and this is the structure our society has chosen. Maybe women really are too emotional to handle the type of “work” and responsibility that goes into beginning a relationship or taking that relationship to the next level. Maybe the fact that men are “level-headed” is what makes them perfect for the job.

Or maybe it’s all total crap. Who knows?

Plus, the great mystery in life for most men is the question of “what women want.” It’s been asked a million times and more often than not men resign themselves to the fact that they will simply never know. That a women’s mind is unfathomable. That if someone attempted to explain, it would still be beyond them to comprehend so why bother trying. Though, at the same time, some men are relentless, to no avail.

What men don’t realize (though the movie PS I Love You would have cleared it up for them in a jiffy if they’d simply embrace the occasional chick-flick) is that women have no idea what they want. Of course we don’t, we’re like kids with ADHD. Too many rules and choices and doubts, insecurities and media-engrained ideas of what we should want. Do we listen to our hearts or our heads? Both? We don’t know. It’s not a mystery, it’s a never ending conundrum. Oh man, I really don’t get to use that word enough.

Anyway, my advice to my friend really could go either way. It could work out perfectly and their meeting this weekend could end in wedding bells and bliss…eventually. Or she could feel too much pressure and tell him, “No, thanks, I’m busy this weekend.” It all depends on the girl and what she wants, or what she thinks she wants, at that particular moment. Oh, and the Bulgarian public transportation system which is unreliable to say the least – though when has a train ever been known to stop true love?

Maybe I’m not being fair to women, and I’m making them seem far too fickle. In fact, I’m sure I am but we’re all victims of our whims and the same is true for romance. Despite how that sounds, I wish him the best of luck! Cuz that’s what it all comes down to, after all.

I’m not even sure I believe anything I just wrote. See, conundrum.(twice in one post!)

-Age

Cheddar?

So, interesting fact, Bulgarians don't know the moon's made out of cheese. I fixed that problem today. I think my work here is done. Now, how to occupy my time over the next couple years...

-Age