I’ll call it Ten Nutty Things You Probably Shouldn't Do and base it off of my, I mean, my friend’s recent life lessons:
1) When your neighbors put their trash cans on the curb, don’t drive too close, you could lose a mirror.
2) Don’t use a shop-vac to clean out the ashes from your fireplace. The filter will get clogged. Also, don’t try to put it on the reverse setting, it won’t unclog the filter and a giant cloud of ashy smoke will blow up in your face and quickly fill your living room.
3) When toilet papering someone’s house, whether for revenge or fun, make sure the silhouette you see in the window is actually another person and not your own reflection before you start screaming and running back to the car.
4) If you’ve been sitting cross-legged on the floor for an extended period of time and then your phone rings in the other room, don’t just get up and start running for it. Your legs will be asleep and you will fall flat on your face.
5) Don’t leave a Coke Zero in the freezer over night because in the morning it will no longer be in the can…but it will still be in your freezer. And licking Coke Zero slushy off the side of your freezer might freak your roommates out a little.
6) When you set the alarm at your work and you know you only have one minute to get out of the building and lock the door before the really loud alarm starts ringing and alerting the police and firestations and you don't know the code to turn it off and your bosses are all at a meeting and their phones are on silent and then you realize you forgot the third book in the Twilight Saga on your desk and you’ve only got two chapters left, do not run back inside to get it. You do not have time. And firefighters aren’t nearly as hot when it’s a false alarm and they’re all snippy.
7) Don’t say you’ll go to a WWF match with a girl you think might be a lesbian if you aren’t one, even if you were just trying to be nice and have a difficult time saying no to people. Just. Say. No.
8) Don’t tell someone you’ve just met that you’ve heard them described as eccentric. Eccentric people don’t like that.
9) Don’t say, “When I have kids I hope I have two little boys. Girls just seem like such a nightmare,” to your co-worker that has two little girls, one of which she is holding.
10) When making landscapes out of clay for art class, don’t announce to everyone, “Hey, look how far my bush sticks out.” They will laugh at you and never, ever, let you forget you said it.
-Age
