I like being goofy, like, all the time. Cracking jokes pretty much constantly. Being ironic, sarcastic, and just a general pain the in A. I can sometimes feel this wearing on people who aren’t like me. They smile in a “that’s not really funny” kinda way and I preserve my ego by assuming they just don’t get it cuz they don’t read enough or they watch Two and a Half Men (though I really thought Ducky from Pretty in Pink could do no wrong – he can and he did) or they’ve been deprived of knowing people like me for too long.
The thing is, I’m the same way. I really can’t make myself laugh at something that’s not funny, even when it’s the polite thing to do. I feel like I might make some weird sound that isn’t at all like a laugh cuz my body doesn’t know what it’s doing. Then people will look at me like I’m some kind of freak who makes weird noises at inappropriate moments.
I also really can’t stand small talk. I’m just not good at it. It’s pretty bad, my sentences come out short and jumbled. How do people have full conversations about nothing? I don’t understand. I’m perfectly satisfied with silence if you don’t actually want to get to know me and it’s probably pretty obvious that I don’t really care to know you so…let’s not discuss the weather, the latest Brangelina drama, or where I got my jacket and how much you love Forever 21.
The other thing is, I write this and think, “Ugh. What a horrible person!” Does it make me a bad person that I only enjoy being around people that are like myself or that I don’t make much of an effort to talk small or laugh falsely? (I didn’t phrase that fairly)
I mentioned this to my friends, who I love, and who are very similar to myself in many ways (though they have their own unique attributes that I admire – and faults that irk me) and they said, “Birds of a feather, Age, birds of a feather.”
You know how I feel about bird analogies. I like birds. I just don’t want to flock like one, have one in my hand, two in the bush, or kill two with one stone. I’m also aware I may have missed the point.
I guess I’m just hoping that since I’ve detected this not so subtle flaw in my character that my future experiences in the Peace Corps in a completely different country, continent, culture, will help me to be open to a variety of different people and personalities. I feel like I’m a pretty nice person, or try to be, but I want to be more than that. I want to feel genuine attraction towards others. I don’t want to miss out on knowing anyone, you know?
Imagine if I only knew people like me for the rest of my life. I’d become one of those closed-minded, unaffected people, believing everyone should agree with me and if they don’t, they’re stupid. Ew.
Though, the important thing to note in all of this is that I will never, ever, like Two and a Half Men. Double ew.
gotta love Otis
-Age
