Life is a confusing mess. The only way to simplify matters is to acknowledge the truth of that statement. Once we've accepted that shit just happens and not every moment of life means something or is a part of some Great Master Plan of God or The Universe, it makes things much more manageable. Personally.
I'm not saying life doesn't have meaning. It absolutely does. But meaning is subjective. Because life is ultimately meaningless in The Grand Scheme of Things (which doesn't actually make sense since I just pointed out that a Grand Scheme doesn't actually exist but bear with me) we get to decide what is meaningful to us, with the knowledge that those same things are likely not meaningful to the majority of others, the world, or cosmos. Just us. Which simplifies things further. Convenient.
If my career is an ultimately meaningless endeavor that does nothing more then bring me money and a sense of self-worth or satisfaction, it could be just about anything. Something I enjoy, in a setting I enjoy, with people I like and a comfortable chair. I haven't actually found that yet because I don't enjoy most things for 40 hours a week except maybe eating or playing sports or sitting on the beach with a good book and I'd die quickly if I did the first, I'm not good enough at anything to be paid for the second, and the third is what retired people get to do if their pre-retirement job paid pretty well so I'd be taking away my whole 65+ agenda and no one would pay me to do that either, unless I was a book critic which would be lovely but I have no idea how to become one of those and I think I may be too old (too lazy) to try and be one now. So what should I do with my life? According to me, it doesn't really matter. Which sounds harsh I guess, but it's actually just realistic, freeing me up to find meaning in whatever it is I decide to do for whatever reasons I decide to do it. Handy, really.
My optimistic and pessimistic sides battle constantly over who's right and who's best. Right and best are often different things. My pessimistic side is probably right but people are always telling you that being optimistic is so much better and it's all about perspective. Is it? Is it really? Is it my perspective of a shitty situation that makes it not shitty? I don't think so. I think when things suck, it's OK to feel bad. Or mad or sad or depressed or a little (or a lot) crazy.
Now, I also understand that there are levels of appropriateness for our feelings. Boundless happiness is almost always permitted because it is unlikely to cause physical or emotional harm to others. Unbridled anger or frustration can, however, belittle, hurt, sadden, and bring tears or bruises to others so it should be checked. But if you need to vent over the phone to your BFF for a few minutes about how much you hate airports, you have every right. And that BFF should say something like, "That sounds really frustrating, I'm sorry. I hope the rest your the day gets better." Because we're human and we're allowed our emotions.
Anyway, back to the optimism vs pessimism situation. I agree with Louie CK, whose show I've just started watching/loving, that there are a series of choices that exist in life and even the best of them lead, ultimately, to heartache, tears, and emotional disaster. I also agree with those who see every day as a precious gift and encourage others to make the most of the life they have now. Which of these two perspectives I choose to focus depends on the day. Sometimes the weather. Certainly the time of month. Maybe even full moons, who knows? But the battle forges on.
When people say they are happy, what does that mean? Surely you can't be happy all the time. What about when bad things happen to you or to people you love? You must be something besides happy then. That's when people say that of course they feel sadness and anger but, in general, they are happy people. What does that mean? Is that based on a percentage? If the emotions we feel most often over the course of our lives from the time we were born until the age we are now were put into percentage points, I imagine my emotions would look something like this: 33% Sleepy, 25% Focused, 17% Amused. I suppose happiness could fit into some of those. Can you be a happy sleepy? Does focusing on my goals make me happy now or only after/if I complete them? I'm certainly happy when I'm amused so that's a relief. But am I a happy person? I just don't know.
Happiness is elusive. Life is confusing and messy. Existence is futile. And yet I love my life. I really love it. It's an extremely precious thing and I am SO blessed. I couldn't possibly believe in a God because of how blessed I am. I realize this seems contradictory but it isn't. I'm blessed and people all over the world are starving, abused, sold, and ruined. And here I am. Not that my worries or cares aren't valid. My life has tragedies. But my opportunities and advantages are so unbelievably unfair when compared to the global lack that a just and loving Superior Being seems unlikely. Immense wealth in the hands of few is balanced by populous groups of people whose value depends on their relation to the poverty line. I drive my car to Starbucks and children sleep hungry. What can I do about it? Very little. Not that I won't try. Of course I will. Maybe that's what happiness is: trying. We all try, we do what we can, and we find satisfaction in the effort. Happiness is fickle, like hope.
These are my thoughts. They confuse me too. I think that putting them in writing will help to make sense of them but it doesn't. It's all still pretty confusing and jumbled. But now that I don't believe in God it frees me up to believe in other things. Which I think is what all this mess is about. What do I believe in? Humanity? Relationships? Chaos? Love? They all seem like reasonable choices.
-Age
I'm not saying life doesn't have meaning. It absolutely does. But meaning is subjective. Because life is ultimately meaningless in The Grand Scheme of Things (which doesn't actually make sense since I just pointed out that a Grand Scheme doesn't actually exist but bear with me) we get to decide what is meaningful to us, with the knowledge that those same things are likely not meaningful to the majority of others, the world, or cosmos. Just us. Which simplifies things further. Convenient.
If my career is an ultimately meaningless endeavor that does nothing more then bring me money and a sense of self-worth or satisfaction, it could be just about anything. Something I enjoy, in a setting I enjoy, with people I like and a comfortable chair. I haven't actually found that yet because I don't enjoy most things for 40 hours a week except maybe eating or playing sports or sitting on the beach with a good book and I'd die quickly if I did the first, I'm not good enough at anything to be paid for the second, and the third is what retired people get to do if their pre-retirement job paid pretty well so I'd be taking away my whole 65+ agenda and no one would pay me to do that either, unless I was a book critic which would be lovely but I have no idea how to become one of those and I think I may be too old (too lazy) to try and be one now. So what should I do with my life? According to me, it doesn't really matter. Which sounds harsh I guess, but it's actually just realistic, freeing me up to find meaning in whatever it is I decide to do for whatever reasons I decide to do it. Handy, really.
My optimistic and pessimistic sides battle constantly over who's right and who's best. Right and best are often different things. My pessimistic side is probably right but people are always telling you that being optimistic is so much better and it's all about perspective. Is it? Is it really? Is it my perspective of a shitty situation that makes it not shitty? I don't think so. I think when things suck, it's OK to feel bad. Or mad or sad or depressed or a little (or a lot) crazy.
Now, I also understand that there are levels of appropriateness for our feelings. Boundless happiness is almost always permitted because it is unlikely to cause physical or emotional harm to others. Unbridled anger or frustration can, however, belittle, hurt, sadden, and bring tears or bruises to others so it should be checked. But if you need to vent over the phone to your BFF for a few minutes about how much you hate airports, you have every right. And that BFF should say something like, "That sounds really frustrating, I'm sorry. I hope the rest your the day gets better." Because we're human and we're allowed our emotions.
Anyway, back to the optimism vs pessimism situation. I agree with Louie CK, whose show I've just started watching/loving, that there are a series of choices that exist in life and even the best of them lead, ultimately, to heartache, tears, and emotional disaster. I also agree with those who see every day as a precious gift and encourage others to make the most of the life they have now. Which of these two perspectives I choose to focus depends on the day. Sometimes the weather. Certainly the time of month. Maybe even full moons, who knows? But the battle forges on.
When people say they are happy, what does that mean? Surely you can't be happy all the time. What about when bad things happen to you or to people you love? You must be something besides happy then. That's when people say that of course they feel sadness and anger but, in general, they are happy people. What does that mean? Is that based on a percentage? If the emotions we feel most often over the course of our lives from the time we were born until the age we are now were put into percentage points, I imagine my emotions would look something like this: 33% Sleepy, 25% Focused, 17% Amused. I suppose happiness could fit into some of those. Can you be a happy sleepy? Does focusing on my goals make me happy now or only after/if I complete them? I'm certainly happy when I'm amused so that's a relief. But am I a happy person? I just don't know.
Happiness is elusive. Life is confusing and messy. Existence is futile. And yet I love my life. I really love it. It's an extremely precious thing and I am SO blessed. I couldn't possibly believe in a God because of how blessed I am. I realize this seems contradictory but it isn't. I'm blessed and people all over the world are starving, abused, sold, and ruined. And here I am. Not that my worries or cares aren't valid. My life has tragedies. But my opportunities and advantages are so unbelievably unfair when compared to the global lack that a just and loving Superior Being seems unlikely. Immense wealth in the hands of few is balanced by populous groups of people whose value depends on their relation to the poverty line. I drive my car to Starbucks and children sleep hungry. What can I do about it? Very little. Not that I won't try. Of course I will. Maybe that's what happiness is: trying. We all try, we do what we can, and we find satisfaction in the effort. Happiness is fickle, like hope.
These are my thoughts. They confuse me too. I think that putting them in writing will help to make sense of them but it doesn't. It's all still pretty confusing and jumbled. But now that I don't believe in God it frees me up to believe in other things. Which I think is what all this mess is about. What do I believe in? Humanity? Relationships? Chaos? Love? They all seem like reasonable choices.
-Age
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